and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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