I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
