can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
