Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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