Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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