She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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