hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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