summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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