I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
her vagine was all disorganized.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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