Yo dont text me then not text me
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
