I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
