Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
