Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
