On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
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