____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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