She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
