I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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