i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
