I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
