How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
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