she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
