Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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