I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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