4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize