Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
