Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
