i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
we have pet lesbian snakes
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
