The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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