Got a toothbrush?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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