school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
