I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
