at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
