when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
