You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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