I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
