Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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