Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
