Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
