I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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