I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
