Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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