I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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