I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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