So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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