miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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