My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
im calling her cock vulture from now on
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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