Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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