And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
