My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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