I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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