I just saw a hot homeless man
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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