she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
