I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
