I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
