Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I forget how to act sober
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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