my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I have post one night stand depression
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