definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
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