I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
