I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
