I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Randomize