What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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