i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
