My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize