dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
