Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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